The Puppy File...Lola gets a crash helmet?

Our little Lola is growing like the proverbial weed. 40+ pounds now. She has not grasped the concept that leaping into our laps at near-sonic speeds will cause air to escape violently from our lungs. Come to think of it, she hasn't grasped most concepts regarding velocity and solid matter. You know, small things like...there is a back to the crate...the couch doesn't move, not even for a determined Bullmastiff puppy...and the back door doesn't open simply because you ram you head against it.


Oh well, I guess even Einstein wasn't a genius at 17 weeks...


Little does she know that obedience training starts in two weeks! Gestapo school! Woo-Hoo. Sit! Stay! Happy come! All of our girls have been through the same course. We're well known there. The bad part of that is, if our dogs screw-up, we get called-out by the instructor...Gregg! What is Lola doing?!?! Uh, lazy sit? Why is Lola doing lazy sit? Uh, because I'm an idiot?

Actually, obedience is a good refresher for us as well as a great early socializing exercise for Lola. A socialized puppy is a happy puppy, or some such rot. Despite the fact that the Bullmastiff breed is a friendly lot, we absolutely believe our dogs were better for the experience of obedience school. Besides, if you ever want to participate in therapy or some other working endeavor, basic obedience is going to be a prerequisite. Who knows, maybe Lola will be our first Canine Good Citizen. HaHaHa...I crack myself up.

Oh ya, the crash helmet reference.

Bullys are, according to the AKC Standard, supposed to have "tulip" ears. Basically, V-shaped ears that lie flat to the head. Lola does not have tulip ears. Hers look more like fuzzy rotini. She's cute as a bug in her pictures, but those ears. We're talking Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer nose ears. (that doesn't make complete sense to me, and I wrote it) She'll probably get picked-on by the other dogs in obedience school. Hey, look at the weird kid! Check out those ears! Maybe she'll get to go to the land of misfit toys. I always wanted a Charlie-in-the-Box. Hmm, Rudy turned out OK, right?

So, what is the answer for fuzzy rotini? Tape. Wide, sticky tape. We're talking NFL Football player sprained ankle tape. Fold it this way. Fold it that way. Keep it flat. That should do it. Man, those things flap around like Dumbo's ears. She needs a chin strap. More tape. Cut it here, fold it there, attach it to her ears. Nope, too long. She needs a chin strap, not a face mask. Shorten it up, a little adjustment. Presto! Instant wrestling headgear. She hates it. If she had a sense of self (and a mirror) she would be horrified. It's a good thing puppies don't tease each other.

So that's it then. Another installment of the Lola file. We'll see how the training goes. Don't forget poop bags. Nothing worse than stopping class to go look for paper towels. Poor thing, she has no idea what she's in for...