The loss of a friend...

Feel free to skip this one if you want. There is pain here. Chances are you've felt it. Knife to the belly pain. Can't breath pain. Curl-up in a little ball pain. I hate this part.

We lost Cocoa. Cancer took her. Rotten son-of-a-bitch. I hate that word. Cancer.

Why do we feel this much pain for a dog? Seriously. It's a dog. Four legs, a bottomless pit for a stomach. Slobber. With Bullys, lots of slobber. Think of the expense. We pay to get them. We pay to feed them. Vet bills. Chew toys. Crates. Blankets. Leashes. Every year another licence. What do we get? What do they give us?

Everything.

Everything they've got. The food, the toys, the walks...it's all gravy to them. They get us. It's all they want. They get food, toys and walks. We get everything they have. That's why it hurts. That's the knife in the gut. That's why it hurts. Everything...man.

My brother once told me..." better to take them one day too early than one day too late".

Intellectually I understood what it meant. One day early means no suffering. One day late...

Intellectual understanding does not mean emotional rationality. We waited a day too long with Mags. She was our first loss. We didn't KNOW. She was hurting and she needed us to make it stop. Sorry Mags. We didn't know. It kills me to say this, but I waited one day too long with Rylee as well. Not because I didn't care. I couldn't separate myself. It was my call and I blew it. Rylee was so full of love I know she forgave me. I didn't deserve it.

Hopefully we got it right with Cocoa. Letting her go was our last act of love. She was a really sweet and gentle dog. She deserved to go out with dignety. I hope we gave her that. If ever a dog deserved a graceful exit, it was Cocoa. Goodbye Cokie.

Owning a pet is a responsibility unlike anything I have done before. We aren't parents, so these really are our "kids". They live such relatively short lives that it is important that we get it all right. Cradle to grave. Their end should be just as important to us as the beginning and the middle. I'm not preaching, honest. Imploring is more like it. It was a hard lesson to learn. Dear friends suffered. Not because we didn't care, but because we did. We will lose other canine friends. I hope we can give them all the exit they deserve.

Did we do Ok, Cocoa? I hope so...